I look at myself at the mirror lately and the fat in my tummy keeps bulging as if I'm 5 months pregnant. I'm disgusted. No matter how much I tell myself I'm beautiful I don't feel so convinced. More so that I know you like sexy girls, with costumes too, and I bet you fantasize about them.
I like the kinky stuff too but I don't think it so kinky if a big girl wear fantasy costumes.
I feel so insecure and so inferior. I swear if I shed off 20 pounds I'd like the world to see it so they know about it.
I feel so empty. I can't seem to finger where all my thoughts went so wrong. Where did my innocence of love go? Why am I so threatened? Why do I fear losing you so much?
What happened to all the beauty that I possess? Covered with fat? Or covered with indifference?
I am such an emotional loser...I can't hold it in. I'll starve myself to death. Or maybe I should just stop competing with other women in your life.
Maybe then I'll see a better picture of myself that will please me, without the agony of jealousy and competition.
nagsisisi nako. i don't want to be a photographer anymore. mula nung nagtrabaho ako sa studio napapadalas na mga tampo mo at galit saken. ang baba na nga ng sweldo dun tapos nagaaral pa ko, den magaalaga pa ko ng mga bata kasi ramdam ko sa mga sinasabi mo na napapabayaan ko sila. wala na nga ako oras para sa sarili ko. tapos madalas pa OT. pagdating ko sa bahay iisipin ko ang baon mo at makikipaglaro sa mga bata kasi miss ko sila. patay katawan ko lagi kaya hayok sa tulog.
pero kulang pa rin ako. magulo ang kwarto mo, di maayos mga damit mo, makalat pa rin gamit kahit pinapalinis mo saken, andami ko kailangan tahiin na di ko na nagagawa, mga documents na kailangan mo na di ko napapadala, andaming bills na di nababayaran on time.
minsan di ko kaya ang pressure. tulad nagyon.
Today is a very sad day. Nothing is working out right. Even you seem to have issues with me too. The rest I think I can handle...except you. And that's why today is a very sad day.
i love all my friends
Celtic Princess
Meme
Jar
Mistress Ice
Best
RoNa
Ligaya
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sweet memories
wishes