Fairytale Wedding

Thursday, November 23, 2006 12:57 AM

Even Angels Fall

I look at myself at the mirror lately and the fat in my tummy keeps bulging as if I'm 5 months pregnant. I'm disgusted. No matter how much I tell myself I'm beautiful I don't feel so convinced. More so that I know you like sexy girls, with costumes too, and I bet you fantasize about them.

I like the kinky stuff too but I don't think it so kinky if a big girl wear fantasy costumes.

I feel so insecure and so inferior. I swear if I shed off 20 pounds I'd like the world to see it so they know about it.

I feel so empty. I can't seem to finger where all my thoughts went so wrong. Where did my innocence of love go? Why am I so threatened? Why do I fear losing you so much?

What happened to all the beauty that I possess? Covered with fat? Or covered with indifference?

I am such an emotional loser...I can't hold it in. I'll starve myself to death. Or maybe I should just stop competing with other women in your life.

Maybe then I'll see a better picture of myself that will please me, without the agony of jealousy and competition.

thoughts of love
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